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spring is just around the corner. at least i hope so. i need to start spring cleaning but want to wait til its warmer. gave Miss Emma the last dose of her medicine. shes fully back to health. but now shes in heat and driving mickey up the wall. thats next, but will have to wait til i can get back to work to have her fixed and shots. just happy to know shes back to normal.
One of the residents that lives in my building came down to visit with the people next door, I was vacuuming the hallways and he stopped me to ask about Emma and told me he loved to watch them looking out the patio window as he walks by.
going back down to Nancy's here in a bit to finish cleaning up her apartment. now shes got junk she wants to get rid of. I went down last night an cleaned her bathroom, her no good son came by to take a shower. i told him he throws down one item of clothes and doesnt pick it up. hes going to find it in the dumpster. I meant business. and he picked up his clothes. good thing ,i had a pile ready for the dumpster lol.
I went down to Nancy's today and cleaned her apartment. She tried to help. We took a break and as we watched the tv we talked a little.
Her eyes filled with tears as she thanked me for helping her. No problem. As much as she does for me from time to time its the least I can do.
She said she was feeling like she couldnt do much anymore and said maybe she should move to a nursing home. which i replied certainly not!
No reason for her to do it. shes only in her early sixties, young in my book. she gets lonely from time to time, and I think she just thinks too much.
One of the reasons she got her little dog Otis.
The little ankle biter keeps her from thinking too much. It's days like this she gets kind of upset.
I didnt know what else to say except that she didnt need to go and if there was anything she needed doing to ask me. would be no problem
She cheered up after a bit. Im helping her spring clean her apartment. I will be doing that as soon as it gets warmer.
In some ways I know how she feels. Some days i get tired of taking a breathing treatment or dont want to take my inhalers. TIred of waking up with a headache and the little aches and pains i didnt feel a year or two ago, I feel now.
Smiles but we all have those days. And tomorrow she will be ok. Just like the rest of us.
wirdness itself, realizing you are more needed than you think.
some days, it's helpmg the folks, that gets me out of the pit: particularly today!
Twilight
23:12 Feb 24 2009 Times Read: 707
I saw the movie twilight, wanting to see the big deal of it. Not having read the book, thought I should check it out.
I loved the movie. Normally I don't go for love stories for the simple fact nothing in real life happens that way. Yes I know there aren't Vampires ( but what a lovely way to be though)
But the story was sweet. And I admit I had to grab the Kleenex I had. ok im a sentimental mushy kind of girl. rolls eyes but i did feel good at the end of the movie.
The sun is out this morning, seems like a long time since I last saw a sunrise. I'm a night person anyway, and usually in bed by the time the sun comes up. Been a few nights Ive went to bed early and woke up later in the day and missed it.
Went to bed around five or so. Sun didnt come up til a little while later, Didnt go to sleep right away, just laid on the couch watching it slowly creep up. Watched it touch the dark shadows against the trees, soflty with its golden rays. Night time retreated away from its warmth.
The birds were singing and the squirrels were waiting on me to feed them out on the patio. Their bright eyes watching, and darting about as if looking for their predator.
I heard sounds of my neighbors, stirring, coffee pots put on and children complaining not another school day. Listened as motors to cars were fired up and revving , getting them warm for the long drive to work.
A few doors slammed shut, announcing the day had begun for most. leaving me to sit and watch the sunrise, its purples, pinks and orange glow with the soft clouds
softly changing. I sound like a poem. I smiled and laughed at my silliness and got up and decided to get a move on. the day waits for no one..
About ten years ago I worked at a Retirement home, for eight years. It was a lovely place to work, as it was not an ordinary nursing home. It was called Westover retirement community. The building was based on a southern plantation in Virginia.
I worked as full time dietary aid and part time as a nurse aid. Mr. Wright was one of our residents. He in his early years had been a journalist at our hometown paper and had done his education at Miami University in Oxford. (Oxford, Ohio)
He came to Westover as his wife had died and his son thought it would be better for him to come there to live. Westover not only had a reputation for being the finest retirement home but also because of its nursing wing and the preschool it had on the grounds. Intergenerational therapy they called it. The children loved it as well as the residents.
Mr. Wright had a way with telling a story. I don’t care if you were a little kid or an adult. His voice would rise and fall with the story telling.
He told of a story one time when he was a journalist, keep in mind he had tons of pictures that he had taken with dignitaries and heads of state not to mention ball players, icons of our times.
The story he told was when he went to Russia, he could set the picture before your eyes as if you were there. He described the places, the people, the things he saw. He told of meeting the ambassador to the U.S. he was at a dinner party and he spoke perfect Russian. He saw a big bear of a man standing with a woman not far from him.
He went and spoke to the man and his wife, finding them charming people. They had introduced themselves as Mikhail Gorbechev and his Wife Raisa. It was many years later that Mr. Gorbechev became the leader of Russia.
I saw the picture with my own two eyes. He had a soft-spoken voice. I remember we had a Valentines Day dance and we were encouraged to dance with the residents. It was my honor to be taken out on the dance floor by Mr. Wright. He sang to me under the glitter ball let me call you sweetheart. One of the sweetest memories I have. He and Ada Von Seelen were crowned queen and king. and up til the day he died he affectionately called her ‘queenie.’ He was a wonderful person and a very sweet man and was greatly missed by all of us. His pictures hang in a wing at Miami University, which is named in his honor.
I hope that when I get to be their age, I have the same wit and wisdom and the willingness to still keep a sense of humor.
My mother called me last night telling me of the retirement home i worked in for eight years were advertising help. she said you can apply on line. Now this is coming from a woman who said you got the job at the deli..not.
Decided it couldnt hurt and wondered if my ex boss shaun would get the application. I sat back and thought of my time spent there. For eight years I worked as a dietary aide. what that means is I was a server, a waitress who makes no tips and in the way of pay was very minimal. not even miniuim wage, I had to raise two girls on five dollars an hour.
My time there was filled with good memories. We were a small department and knew each other very well, we worked well together and had a blast. we were like a family. we had each others phone number and would call each other constantly or go out for weekend doing something. we were never far apart not even on our days off. wasnt uncommon to be called to the phone by someone spending their day off.
I remember the christmas parties and the residents I took care of . not only did i work in dietary i worked part time in nursing as a nurses aid. I learned how to cook and eventually cooked nights for the residents and employees. learned how to prepare foods according to the diets that we had. smiles i remember looking at a production sheet thinking i needed to take a course in foreign language to understand it. but i learned.
I remember some of the stupid stuff too. Ive been gone along time from there. I met this lady a few christmas's ago in line at kmart, she was wearing her badge from there. I remarked I worked there too for a time and asked if the activities director was still there. her name was laurie. she was jewish but married a christian guy and how they celebrated their holidays was a hilarious adventure every year.
She said yes and asked for my name i told her Cindy and i had worked in dietary. she said your not Cindy Barrett are you? i remarked that I was.
she smiled then laughed she yes ive heard of you. she said they still tell stories of when you were there. i said omg that bad huh? she laughed and said no it was all very good and your a legend over there.
i had to laugh and wondered what stories did they tell. i went home with a good feeling that someone remembered me
there was a time when the boss and i were involved he was 23 i was thirty five at the time and no one knew but my friends Linda and Nancy
Linda is a typical blonde. she never thinks about what shes saying until after the fact. One day it was Shaun and I, Linda, Stephanie and Nancy, we were working in the other kitchen, Linda just had a hysterectomy. she and Shaun had been arguing all morning.
I could nt keep my big mouth shut any longer, I said Linda, are you on your estrogen patch? your being a bitch. before she could say anything, shaun being a man of course said whats an estrogen patch? before i could say anything she says why dont you ask Cindy. you two are intimate. we all stopped dead in our tracks and just stared at her. she looks around and says what? what did i say? i looked at Shaun and he was blushing Nancy dropped a plate that hit the floor. I was in shock..then we all just busted out laughing. the residents got quite a kick out of hearing our laughter through the doors.
One resdent asked linda if she was in trouble she said she stayed in trouble.
another time i was serving breakfast in the morning, I was serving coffee to Mrs. Case and Mrs. Antenen. Mr. Lawrence had gotten up as he was finished and wished the ladies a good morning. As he strolled out of the dining room, Mrs, Antenen, turned to Mrs. Case and remarked how it was sad that he lost his wife. i was pouring coffee and without missing a beat Mrs Case asks innocently. where he lose her at?
Mrs. Atennen looked at her and said he didnt lose her in a store she died you idiot. i had to walk back to the kitchen, and just couldnt keep it in and laughed my ass off. Linda was working that morning and couldnt get anything out of me for a few minutes.
she still works there and i still after all these years talk or see them. it was a very good working experience i wont ever forget. They were all good hard working people and the residents were wonderful not all of them but the majority were sweet natured people who took the time to say thank you for all you do. so if i get the job, my life will indeed come full circle.
Emma the cat I think is paying me back for taking her to the vet. I went to give her some medicine. i had given it to her once in the morning and it was time for her bedtime dose. I sized up my five pound adversary with a wary eye, i tried to sneak up on her but of course she froze for a second and then the race was on.
Now We live in a one bedroom apartment. Not very big and i still cant find them half the time. I cant figure out where the hide. There is only so many hiding places. I chased her through the living room to the bed room. Only a short hallway leads to the bedroom. I thought ok i got her trapped. She saw it different. she managed to give me the slip and high tail it back out through the door down the hallway to the living room. chased her through the kitchen and back toward the living room By that time i was out of breath.
While im on the floor ( my heart pounding btw)
she decides ok mom is dying of a heart attack and ive got time to go to the cat box. thinking ok i have you now. the cat box is a igloo shaped box with a lid. so i sat outside the entrance knowing she wasnt going to get by me.
or so I thought. I made a grab for her and she wiggled out of my grasp. I rolled my eyes and this time i was bound to catch her. So we raced down the hall this time to the kitchen. It must be said in my defense I wasnt trying to kill myself.
I ended up taking a sharp right turn and tripped over a throw rug in front of my sink. which in turn i fell and hit the refrigerator and then the floor hard. I landed on my left shoulder, you remember, the one i had two rotator cuff surgeries on? needless to say it hurt like hell.
so i rolled over and layed there for a moment breathing very hard. I gave up. The little furball wins. I decided to wait until she went to sleep.
I snuck up on her later around ten and gave her the medicine. I triumphed. Was happy til I remembered we have to go hrough this again in the morning. I took some tylenol pm for pain and went to sleep...little furball.
a tad? oh i say shes back to normal with a few sneezes. shes killing me...lol
the other side of the coin
11:16 Feb 22 2009 Times Read: 777
I have wrote in my other journal my feelings about how when a relationship ends its best to let it go. I know others feel its one persons fault when in fact the other persons hands isnt clean. for whatever reasons to keep the drama going isnt really clear. is because they want to hurt the other so badly that they would ruin someones reputation? just to make themselves look good?
all those involved should look at both sides of the coin. the truth is hard enough to separate. To tell one friend that they are wrong,is hard and they dont listen. well its all on them.While the third party is loving all the attention its getting them when in fact they are playing a game. nothing more.
When a relationship ends. let it end. the back and forth of it all needs to quit. doesnt matter who started it or who finished it if its an unhealthy relationship let it go. and to the one that wants to keep it going, who thinks its funny no its not. I for one washed my hands of this individual. i need not mention any names. but the whole affair from start to finish was based on a lie. thats my opinion.
I cannot control what a person says or does. as they cannot control my emotions or my fthoughts. and if they feel that what i said is wrong. i make no apologies for it. but to take one persons word over another isnt really fair. this individual isnt to be trusted. ive seen their stripes change before. while they are good at using words. it hides their real intent. what they say isnt indicative of their true nature. its a wolf in sheeps clothing. I let it end here. I cant control it so im not going to even try. whats done is done and i cant change it.
woke up after having another headache. took some tylenol pm to knock my ass out. the headaches have returned with a vengence. could be stress causing them. could be a lot of reasons why they are coming back. woke up and walked out to the kitchen. no coke to drink so i grabbed a bottled water and some fruit punch mix to add to it. i hate the taste of water and dont drink alot of it. but decided to get away from the coke for a while and drink this instead. wanted propel fitness water but my mother in her cheap way bought the water and the mix. half ass is what i call it since its not what i wanted.
Emma is getting better every day and im glad to see it. six in the morning and i cant believe im up. kinda depressed today. had plans of doing a good cleaning of the apartment but then i think who cares? no one comes to see me so who do i have to impress? so fuck it.
i feel like going back to bed, covering my head up and saying fuck it all to the world. leave my ass alone.
Went to bed around twelve last night, internet got shut off around ten or so. Nothing to do but go to sleep. Woke up this morning and started cleaning the apartment. Emma is much better she came out and ate a little bit of food an drank tons of water. Her nose is starting to drain and I gave her the morning dose of amoxicillin. She’s starting to get back to herself.
Went to Gamestop and traded in some of my ps2 games I didn’t want and got three dollars for eight games. I bought Resident Evil four. Re5 is coming out next month for the ps3. Too bad they cant make it for the ps2. The job didn’t turn out as now I was told they really don’t need an extra person. Worked one day. Oh well, back to the search.
The sun is out today, giving the appearance that it is nice and warm out. Nope not even close, cold. Watched the squirrels for a bit and have the whole day ahead. The internet wont be back on until five or so. Depending on when whoever turns on their computer. Oh well, cant win em all.
For the past few days I have been dealing with the stress of not only the life I lead, (non-existent) my home life pretty much revolves around what I have. Not that I am complaining. I have it better than most at the moment. I still have a roof over my head and a great sense of humor. Also dealing with the stress of Miss Emma, my year and a half old female cat. She caught a cold and she has not been able to shake it.
My children are grown and I live alone. Sometimes it is wonderful but other times it is not. And trust me; cats do not make good conversationalists. The word Meow only translates as to food, sleep and an occasional pet and (if they are not fixed) sex. And not necessarily in that order. They have no memory of yesterday and do not think about tomorrow. All they know is that someone does love and take care of them. They keep me company and I enjoy watching them.
I really did not expect her to make it. And I thought if she was no better I would have to put her down. It really bothered me to even think of it. But here I am, holding her and letting her know I tried to do the best for her. Could not find any antibiotics and certainly could not take her to the vet. I have stayed up for the past four nights, giving her medicine. I have lost count to be honest. Working short on sleep, that is nothing new but I am exhausted. Focusing is not the easiest thing to do at the moment.
Emma has guardian Angels that’s for sure. Her Angels are Ozzy, (ForeverBlack,) who gave suggestions and I ran with them. Gina, (MysticWinds)who called with the suggestion of a vaporizer. Jayme ( LadyChordewa) who unselfishly donated her time and making it possible for me to take her to the vet. Knowing that right now, I am having it rough. I can do without things and to tell the truth I do not need much. But I could not stand to watch Emma suffer. I have awesome and wonderful friends, it is hard to put it into words how much this means to me. All I can say is Thank You. From the bottom of our hearts. To everyone for taking the time and care to let me know that not only does Emma have guardian Angels, I do too :)
Just got back from the vets, she was tested for feline leukemia and fip. Negative on both. She has an upper respitory infection, along with a very stuffy nose. And a little bit of pneumonia. Was given antibiotics and iv drip for dehydration. She will make a full recovery! So now I can get some sleep. Only if she doesn’t snore…lol…. I cant say thank you enough….:)
i finally got a vet to give me some advice. he didnt recommend benadryl. he said to put her in a room with a vaporizer. which i did. i just checked on her and her eyes are now draining. shes just laying there. i give her one more day and if shes no better. will have to put her down. dont want to but shes went on long enough. it kills me to do it but i wont have no choice.
Cindy Edit: Gina ( MysticWinds) called a vet to get this idea.
Woke up this morning, looked like a bomb had went off. Exhausted from the last few nights, I had a headache that sent me to bed early. During the night Mickey for some ungodly reason, started throwing up his food. He didn’t act sick. Emma is some better by not much. She is still sneezing and now she’s got a cough. Angel started sneezing. Not to mention I started sneezing. I had stated earlier that this was worse when my girls where sick. I had stayed up with them, making sure they took their medicine and watched over them. Same with the cats. I know most don’t care for cats. You either love them or you don’t. in my case I’ve always had cats. I’ve had dogs too. But once you own a cat your always a cat owner. Or I should say, they own you. And since I have no one else they are my responsibility. They are after all a living beings who shouldn’t have to suffer.
Calling a vet today to see what else I can do. Anything short of taking them. I don’t have the money at the moment or I would have done it the first day. So today im going to disinfect the apartment. And put emma in isolation. Only way I can think to get these guys back on track. Just use the same as universal precautions, just like in a nursing home. That I have experience in.
Maybe thinking like an aid might turn this around. Cant do any worse than what I have been.
called a vet and isnt it amazing the only thing they could tell me is a. she needs an antibiotic and b. no they didnt accept payment plans. c. that what i was doing was wrong. d. id have to bring her in to get a prescription. which equals no money. so therefore just have to tough it out. but they think she may have a sinus infection. and nothing over the counter would work but an antibiotic. rolls eyes.
Emma is feeling better. a few sneezes here and there, shes ate and drank water. I myself feel a very long weekend has passed. shes hung on this long so its gotta be a good thing. i took this pic of mickey with emma. he hasnt left her side all weekend. he tried to get her to play and she wanted no part of it. but I had to laugh as he tackled her trying to get her wound up.
tommorrow i call a vet and see if they cant recommend something over the counter.
woke up this morning to see Emma breathing easier and not drooling, she did come out in the living room last night and washed her face and paws so thats a good sign. i sent ozzy a kiss from her to him, thanking him for his suggestion. her eyes are normal and shes just tired from what i can see but will take her a few days to get over it im sure. just going to keep my fingers crossed.
I woke up this morning to find my one cat Miss Emma in distress. she was having problems breathing and drooling clear liquid from her mouth. i felt on her rib cage and knew from the sounds she was making was pneumonia.
not having any money to take her to the vet and was not about to ask my mother. so i made her as comfortable as i could. I asked Ozzy what should I do for her. he told me to give her ibuprofen crushed up in milk to make her more comfortable.
I mixed it up the way he said to and filled an empty ink pen to use as an eye dropper. i had checked her before i gave it to her and she was breathing a little better and not drooling as much. thats got to be a good sign.
if she is no better tomorrow, i will have my brother in law roger take her to the dog pound to be put down. i cant stand to see her suffer.
here is two pics of her when she was a baby.
Mickey hasnt left her side since this morning. only long enough to eat and use the litter pan.
he meows softly to her, as if to give her encouragement.
her favorite time is summer, where she would lay in front of the patio screen and listen to the crickets and the birds. so tonight i will put her in the bed with me and play a cd of summer sounds. hopefully if she passes she will do so in her sleep.
long day today. took a nap around two or so and didnt get up until five. not much to do. cleaned the apartment, went and aggravated Nancy for a bit and wound up Otis so she could spend her afternoon trying to calm him down. roughhoused with the little ankle biter for a bit lol.. talked to paul on the phone for a bit and oz on the net.
the signal i am getting is good and strong. but feels the need to turn off his computer and router and therefore i cant stay on lol.. first paycheck i get my own signal. Al hopped on the net for a bit and said hello. havent heard from him since he took the truck driver job. glad things are working out for him.
emma is sneezing and breathing funny. i think she caught mickey's cold. hes back to normal but i dont think she is. i give her a day or two and see how she acts. then see if i cant take her to the vet.
managed to lose my internet at five this morning. hated it. but what ya going to do when someone turns off their router? lol. not questioning the cybergods at this point. just grateful that i have access for a while. the lights have started to flicker and thats usually not good. the weather here today has been weird to say the least.
one minute its raining the next the sun comes out and its warm. then its cold. would love to have a weatherman's job as he gets paid if hes even wrong lol.
valentines day is coming up and going to give my two girls flowers. my dad used to give us girls flowers and chochlate for valentines day. just continuing a family tradition.
mickey is getting some better as he was his usual loving self this morning. which means his food bowl was empty and could i please feed him. lol. Been working with Miss Emma as she is still somewhat shy. shes a little bit over a year old and i think working with her will bring her out of it. for the most part its worked. she now comes to bed with me and lets me hold her. she wasnt this shy as a kitten.
Angel chased a leaf alongside the patio window and hit her head. its a wonder she can move that fast. lol. I finally made it to level 10 of tomb raider, angel of darkness. made a list of the games i want and will take the ones that i dont want and trade them in on the resident evil games i dont have. cleaned another apartment yesterday for a little extra money. any and all is a good thing.
been sick for three days with a headache. took a pain pill and played re dead aim til i got sleepy and laid on the couch for a while. hopefully its just a slight bug going around. kim called from couch's where i will be working and i start monday. yay me! think thats what i need. i stay in the apartment too much and think about things that eventually work on me. bout time i get out and start finding whats out there. cant do anything sitting on my ass waiting for something to happen. who knows?
Nice to see you back sis and it sounds like things are starting to look up for you this year.
im back!
02:07 Feb 11 2009 Times Read: 912
woo hoo internet has returned! my life must be looking up! lol... got a job, got the internet back and went and finally bought a memory card for my ps2. and i did the unthinkable. if most of you have seen my picture in my port, my hair was down to my waist. i thought i had heard enough of my mother's nagging to get it cut. so saturday i got it cut. i had them cut it up to my shoulders. its cute i guess. but i do miss all that long hair. i donated a little over twelve inches of hair to the locks of love. if you dont know what it is, its where you donate your hair to a place that makes wigs and hair pieces for those who have cancer.
not only does it make you feel lighter, its a great cause. Only sad thing to report is my cat Mickey one eye is sick. hes been sneezing and his bad eye is swollen shut. doing what i can for him. hopefully he will be better in another week. worse than having a sick kid i tell ya lol...
i got the series kingdom hospital and a new stephen king desk calendar from my sister ginger, a dvd "cause I told you so" with diane keaton. its a cute movie. that along with twenty from my twin. my girls got me a shirt and jeans.
smiles ok ok i aint over the hill yet! another birthday and im at my mothers, who thinks im five, my twin sister and i are celebrating our 49th birthday. next year i start going back. i found a job and will start work next week. in a deli. so wish me luck and my net should be back on in two weeks.
online for just a bit. hoping all who reads i miss you all alot. the rave is my home and i miss talking to everyone! thanks to everyone whose called and wrote. its greatly appreciated more than you will ever know!
just know i do miss you all and hope to be back soon.
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